Waiting For The Duck House!

Curly Bob left for the bright lights of London some 2 weeks ago and not much has been heard from him since then. I assumed he was busy with the business of the House of Commons etc so I was not unduly worried.

The first suggestion that all might not be well was when I came across an article in the Rotten Borough Gazette, one of the main newspapers in the borough( The only one actually....Ed). It made reference to dubious expenses claims made by members despite the all too recent scandals concerning the same problem. It was when I saw a reference to claims for several duck houses, lorry loads of ice cream and honey together with a crate or two of "Hobgoblin Ale" that alarm bells began to ring.

My best efforts to contact Bob were to no avail but I did receive an email directing that I post "Spanish Village #2", an oil on canvas from around 2010.

I suspect this will not be the last we hear of this.

Rotten Borough's New BMP Unveiled !

Having been duly elected by the populace of the said borough Curly Bob is now a serving Member of Parliament for the next 5 years or at least that is the plan.Before embarking on a resume of the election's aftermath Bob has asked me to post "Sunrise, Snowdon Horseshoe", an oil on canvas from several years ago following one of our many happy holidays in North Wales.

Journalistic hacks have been hounding Bob ever since the rumours concerning the election count reared their ugly head. At first it was thought to be merely sour grapes by Bob's opponents. That was until one of the more knowledgeable, (more like more sober ...Ed), residents of Rotten Borough pointed out that there were no other opponents.

Furthermore some closer scrutiny of the Borough electoral roll showed there were just 689 residents of voting age whereas the total number of votes cast for Curly Bob  were in excess of 8000!

Even the slowest of our residents could see that there was something amiss. Once the hacks could smelled blood there was no stopping them. A little more digging revealed that in the total figure of 8216 were the following items:-

Google followers    2100

Twitter followers  1250

Facebook Friends    166

Pinterest followers   50

Residents             3566

Clearly Rotten Borough was living up to its's name. Whilst writing this blog I have endeavoured to avoid using expletives and 4 letter words  but Rotten Borough appears to be in a worse state than F***, the infamous football body run until recently by Septic Splatter. No doubt further revelations are pending.

All that said Bob was not allowing anything to spoil his victory celebrations. He can be seen below enjoying a glass of his favourite "Hobgoblin" like a true "Bear of The People".

A Result at Last!

After weeks of uncertainty Rotten Borough has at last produced an election result. Rumours were rife that the count was rigged and ballot boxes had been tampered with. This was not entirely surprising as as the consituency does not have the name of Rotten Borough  for nothing.

Either way Curly Bob's fans & followers will be pleased to know that Bob has been duly returned as B.M.P. for the aforesaid borough. Celebrations at Curly Bob's party office went on late into last night and beyond. No doubt Bob will hold a press conference, in due course,  to thank his tireless campaign staff for all their efforts in helping him achieve his first electoral success.

Bob appeared this morning looking vey much the worse for wear. He took time out in his search for a hangover cure to ask me to post "Paradise #2", an oil on canvas from 2013. He felt something upbeat was in order and in keeping with the warm weather currently being enjoyed here in the U.K.

The paprazzi were out in force and despite the threat of litigation and worse it is expected that photos will emerge from the allmighty knees up held at campaign H.Q. last week. Bob is so pleased with the result he still refuses to take off his rosette. I have pointed out to him thet if it gets dirty and he persists then he will be going into the wash with it. He is giving the matter some serious thought.

The Count Goes ON!

The fact that Rotten Borough is still looking for missing voting papers a week after GE2015 has done nothing to allay fears that the electoral process is broken beyond repair. Curly Bob is still awol and has sent another note for me to post "Tuscan Hills", oil on canvas from 2013.

Outrageous Allegations!!

Rumours have beencirculating in Rotten Borough before, during and after the General election 2015. They concern the way in which the election was conducted.

For example a huge number of discarded ice cream cartons, chocolate bar wrappers and empty honey pots were found behing several voting booths. Either the staff manning the booths had a prodigeous appetite for such items or the ugly head of attempted bribing of the voters.

Needless to say ther eis absolutely no suggestion whatsoever that Curly Bob had any paw in the matter. However the fact that the count has yet to be completed 5 days after GE2015 points to something being seriously amiss in Rotten Borough.

Investigations continue into this farago of shady practices which can bring nothing but shame on the good name of Rotten Borough..(You have got to be joking! ..Ed)

Meanwhile Curly Bob has gone into hiding pending the outcome of the enquiry. Meanwhile I received  a note under my door , in Bob's paw, asking me to post "Evening Light #1", an oil on canvas from pre 2010. An attempt to bring calm to a troubled area.

He's Still At It! #CurlyBobforPM

Curly Bob is still out pressing paws as he works his way around Rotten Borough. I am not sure if he is passionate about his policies or he just wants to show off his new rosette to everyone. He may be gone some while as the procedure followed by Rotten Borough for parliamentary elections are slightly different than in the rest of the U.K.

The results of the poll will not be known officially for a few days at least.  No doubt Bob will be working behind the scenes in the case of a hung parliament to secure the best deal for his constituents..( Doesn't he have to be elected first?..Ed)

Meanwhile, I have taken advantage of Bob's absence to do some posting of my own so here is "Still Life With Pears", oil on canvas board, from my pre Bob days.

Curly Bob Hits The Campaign Trail(At Last!) #CurlyBobforPM

Bob has been burning the midnight oil for weeks now toiling over his general election manifesto. He even borrowed my calculator overthe weekend muttering something about budget deficits. Clearly he has been taking the matter more seriously than I first thought.

Bob is a stand up sort of character despite his single minded nature.To be honest I wasn't sure about him standing in the U.K. General Election as a candidate for Rotten Borough for 2 main reasons.

Firstly, (and selfishly), I thought it would be a conflict of interest. I had put a lot of work into the opening of my new expanded retail unit at Botany Bay, Canal Mill, Chorley, PR6 9AF on 1 May 2015. Clearly the timing was not auspicious given the election being held tomorrow, 7 May 2015. Bob being Bob there was no problem to solve. Curly Bob believes the British public are sick and tired of the long drawn out campaign with it's acrimony and false promises. In any case they cannot possibly remember what was said 6 weeks ago by 7 or more parties. ( Perhaps Bob is a bit sharper than we first thought...Ed).

Secondly, Rotten Borough is a very difficult constituency. It was once a very happy place in which to live. Now after 5 years of austerity cuts it is a pale shadow of its former self. Generations of bears have never worked. They lie around idly waiting for the next benefit payment so they can get a quick fix of honey, ice cream or chocolate. Once the sound of the ice cream van playing some happy tune would bring bears pouring out of the houses for a chocolate wafer or an ice cream cornet packed with ice cream(none of that whipped rubbish!). Now there are only the echoes of the tune around the empty streets as the van driver leaves sadly with his wares untouched. Can a single bear turn this around? I have my doubts but perhaps Bob can do it where others have failed.

When he emerged from his room this morning I expected him to be dragging out a huge weighty document. Instead he had a single piece of A5 in his paw. Its contents were very simple:-

•  The party is to be called "Curly Bob For P.M. "..(This level of humility could achieve sainthood...Ed)
• Free ice cream for all bears
• Ice cream, chocolate and honey benefit payments to be trebled.
• Every bear to be given the chance of a job in the ice cream, honey and chocolate factories to be created to meet the demand from the said benefit increases.
• A limit to be imposed on the expected influx of foreign bears seeking the above ice cream etc.
• All bears in prison to be released on licence provided they perform community service e.g. picking up discarded ice cream/chocolate wrappers for recycling.
•  Any Bear refusing to work will be flogged publicly???( I need to have a word on this one..Ed)
• Rotten Borough to leave the E.U.

That said Curly Bob is new to the murky world of politics. I asked him to state his view on how he could use his vote to extract concessions from any coalition of parties. Bobs strategy is very simple. Ice cream for British bears. (He is not fussy about where the said ice cream is made). He seems to be on good terms with bears in most of the U.K. except Scotland. He has no intention of entering into any pact with bears north of the border if they insist in changing any of the above.

Further questions on the question of how these promises were going to be funded led to reporters being bundled out of the press conference. Watch this space for a follow up on this one.

As to leaving the E.U. I mentioned that Rotten Borough is not in the E.U. so the Bears Rights Act didn't apply. However, public flogging still seems a bit extreme. Bob's reply that this was not the time for "nimby politics". I must confess I had no idea he could be so single minded.

He plans to tour his constituency from end to end over the next 24 hours to get the voters out by all means available. The world waits with baited breath for the outcome. A press conference is scheduled for tomorrow providing we can track Bob down.

Meanwhile Bob has not taken his eye off the artistic ball and has emailed from his battle bus that I should post "Le Sentier", acrylic on canvas, 2015.