It's Touch and Go!

I was awakened early in the morning by an internal call on the hotel phone. After some fumbling and trying to open my eyes I located the handset and was greeted by Curly Bob. I have to say that despite having him as my manager for over 2 years I could barely tell it was his voice. He was calling for help so I assumed things had taken a turn for the worse. Of course I should have known better but there was no time for debating the issue.

I dressed quickly and took the lift to the top floor. Readers may wonder why I wasn't sharing a room with Bob and there are 2 good reasons for this. Firstly it would result in almost total lack of sleep  most nights. Bob would be giving me instructions endlessly. He also has more visitors than Barack Obama!

Secondly Bob feels he should stay in a suite as befits his standing( and no one else's...Ed). The minibars are much better stocked such suites. The fact that he doesn't actually pay for the room never crosses his mind.

On entering I found Bob under the sheets with just his snout on view. In a feeble voice he told me he had run out of medicine and asked would I go and get some more for him. After the unfortunate incident with Monsieur Le Docteur De La Morte ( see previous post) Bob had decided to self medicate i.e rum, honey and lemon, with the emphasis on rum and honey. I pointed out that is was now 3 a.m. local time and even the easy going French do not expect their supermarkets to open before 7 a.m. In any case I didn't think he looked that bad and he could manage until after breakfast. Bob demanded a second opinion. It was necessary to remind him that the above doctor was the only one in Avignon who was willing to treat a bear and secondly about the size of the hypodermic syringe he carried with him.

Inany case I felt it necessary to tell him that he had consumed so much rum that he was a positive fire hazard!

Bob didn't reflect long on the this and the question of the Doctor's syringe and agreed to await his medical supplies until I had eaten breakfast. However since I was up and now wide awake he suggested I might make use of the time by posting  "Distant Hills, Jordan", an oil on canvas from pre 2010. This was donated for sale by our area fundraiser for "Help for Heroes" earlier this year.

"Distant Hills, Jordan", an oil on canvas from pre 2010

Bob Has The Dreaded Lurgy!

I went to rouse Bob from his slumbers as he had not been seen for a while. The "Do Not Disturb" sign had been on his hotel room door for 3 mornings and there had been no calls for room service as far as I could tell. I was fairly certain he had not been out "Au clair de la lune" as there had been no reports of unruly behaviour in the city or it's environs.

As I approached the door there was a strong smell of peppermint oil and sounds of coughing and spluttering. Once inside Bob was quite a sight. he was wrapped in a muffler, woolly hat and only his head was showing above the bed covers. I enquired as what was the problem. His fur was all matted and clammy plus he was shaking with cold. This was odd as it was 22C in the shade given it was the South of France. Bob had decided that his condition was 2touch and go". I tried to point out that he was being a little over dramatic.

After some debate Bob insisted I summon a doctor before it was too late! I checked with the reception desk downstairs and they called Monsieur Docteur de la Morte who promised to call by as soon as possible. I reported back to Bob to confirm his request had been met. Luckily for all concerned Bob's knowledge of French is solely limited to placing orders for alcoholic drinks and essential food items such as honey, chocolate and ice cream etc.

The said doctor arrived and examined Bob. He carried out a detailed examination. After much head scratching he pronounced "Monsieur Le Curly Bob a "La Grippe de Nounour ". For those of our readers who have not had either the benefit of a full education or access to Google Translator, Curly Bob has "Bear Flu!"

Bob is allergic to antibiotics so the doc advised a hot toddy which in local terms would consist of a goodly measure of dark rum, honey and lemon juice. I promised to go and fetch these items after the doctor left. However there was the matter of the bill to be paid. The white card I carry in the EU doesn't apply to bears. Bob said that was descrimination. He was further enraged when the doc gave him the bill. Bob was under the impression that they were exchanging phone numbers! 

Much discussion took place resulting that Bob put his paw down and flatly refused to be ripped off by some French quack! Clearly this was not a good idea. The doc produced a giant syringe, rubber tubing and muttered something about irrigation and even my limited French told me that he was not talking about watering the garden.

The doc also pointed out that his name was really a nickname and he would be happy to demonstrate why. I interceded quickly and offered my credit card which did the trick. The doc left happy and Bob lived to create mayhem another day.

The exertions of the morning have worn him out. Before downing several doses of the recommended medication  and subsequently taking his daily nap, Bob asked me to post "Winter Storm, Black Point #2" oil on canvas from circa 2008.

Fast Asleep

Bob is taking a very long nap after his exertions in Amsterdam and the train ride down to the South of France.
I am taking the chance to post some of my back catalogue  and hopefully be up to date by Christmas.
Therefore I present to you "Maya",  a work in oil on canvas from 2010. It was based on a documentary I saw many years ago tracing the history of the Mayan people.

He's Here At Last

Bob arrived in Avignon at long last. He contacted me using his new paws friendly IPhone and asked me to meet him at the TGV station.

His train arrived on time but there was no sign of Bob. I had visions of him being carted off to Marseille which is not a good place to be for a young bear to be. ( You have got to be joking!...Ed)
Therefore I boarded the train in case he needed help with any luggage. I could hear music coming from the bar and cafe so I made my way upstairs quickly.

My fears were groundless. Bob was sat on the bar surrounded by a group of very attracitve( i.e. hot!) ladies who were hanging on his every word. He  was surrounded by an even greater amount of empty wine & beer bottles. Bob wasn't for leaving so I yanked him off by his ear which he had so nearly lost in the Yucatan last year. Bob was less than impressed by this unseemly exit and the loss of face it could entail.

However, when I explained that Avignon is surrounded by vineyards and has dozens of restaurants and bars, not to mention an abundance of attractive females, he cheered up no end. Apparently he had no luggage apart from his satchel, IPad and his overnight bag.

I managed to smuggle him into his/our room without the management spotting him. Many of the staff at the hotel remember his infamous escape from the hotel, last year, using knotted bedsheets. I hope having him in the same room as me will curb some of his social excesses in the furpots of this peaceful Provencale city.

Once inside Bob headed for his bed for his afternoon siesta. Before dozing off he asked me to post another painting. Therefore we present " Village Andalucia", oil on canvas from before 2011.

Still No Sign of Bob

Despite promises to the contrary Curly Bob has not put in an appearance in Avignon where I am waiting for him. This is not such a bad thing as we are staying at the same hotel as last year and regular readers of this blog will remember there was a certain amount of confusion concerning the bar and accommodation bill. (i.e. They were both unpaid) This resulted in bob spending some time in the local pokey. I am not unduly worried as the route taken by the train runs down the Rhone valley which is renowned for having some of the finest vineyards in the world and we are fast approaching the wine harvest.

This morning my in box contained a directive to post material from 2013 and earlier to clear the way for my more recent efforts. I have taken an executive decision to post material on a more regular basis to enable me to clear the backlog.

New Work On Show At Botany Bay This Weekend!

This is my latest painting of a well known local landmark. It is called "Winter Hill, Evening Mist". It is an acrylic painting on canvas at 60cm x 50cm. It is not framed but is finished on all four edges so you can hang it as it is or have it framed to suit your decor.
It is on sale at Botany Bay Mill Shopping Centre, Canal Mill, Chorley, PR6 9AF and can be viewed on the third floor landing of the north facing staircase.

For details of Botany Bay see http://www.botanybay.co.uk/

All feedback welcome and I answer all enquiries as soon as I can. 
vanbear7@gmail.com

Going South!

Curly Bob has mailed to confirm rumours that he is going south. Readers might be forgiven for thinking this refers to his character but he was in fact letting me know he has set off for the South of France and will meet up with us on our annual holiday to Avignon in Provence. He has been attracted by the promise of late September/October sunshine and to clear his head.

This is not entirely surprising considering he has been holed up in the coffee shops of Amsterdam together with his rescue parties, for some weeks now. Bob found some of the clientele in the said coffee shops to  be below what he considers to be his social standing ( Wonders will never cease...Ed)

I shall be setting off without delay to head him off before he gets into any more mischief. His message was delayed in transit so I expect him to be there when I arrive.

The final part of his missive was an instruction to post "Village Aux Montagnes" without delay to set a Provencale tone to the upcoming postings. This was an oil on canvas from several years ago.

Still Missing (Including The Search Parties!)

Avid readers of Bob's exploits on this blog will recall he went missing during our holiday in Amsterdam. He was last seen making his merry way to a local "coffee shop" ostensibly to make new contacts in the art world. Now our law abiding readers may not be familiar with the social setup in Amsterdam.
Basically if you want a drink of coffee, a meal or drink of a "normal" nature in this beautiful city then you go to a cafe. However if you are seeking refreshment of an altogether different variety( i.e. what would be illegal in most parts of the world..Ed) then you go for a "coffee shop" I am told that on emerging from such a visit you may be so laid back the limbo dancing under a door is no real problem.
Requests for search parties were flooded with volunteers many of whom have not been seen since. No doubt Bob will be safely back home when he returns to planet earth.

Meanwhile I have taken an executive decision to post "Niklik", for Yvonne wherever she is now. A watercolour from 2008.

Still in Amsterdam

Yet again I am concerned because Bob has not come back from holiday after some 2 weeks. He went with us to Amsterdam by train but we went our seperate ways soon after arrival. Apparently Bob was very interested in locating some coffee shops.???

After making some enquiries it seems that coffee shops in Amsterdam are not primarily purveyors of coffee. I have since learned ,for that, you need to visit a cafe. A garbled email from Bob said that his research was going well and he was sampling lots of the local produce. Originally I assumed this was a reference to the excellent apple pie and cream sold by many Amsterdam cafes but now I am not too sure.

The wording of the email and the repeated references to "cake" lead me to fear the worst and that Bob is now actively engaged in trying out the local produce.

While the problem is being resolved I have taken an executive decision and now publish "Cwm Idwal", an acrylic from 2014. It is fitting to choose a Snowdonia scene as we plan to be leaving some paintings at St David's Hospice Shop in Lllandudno on Sunday. 2 will be views of Snowdonia  and 2 from Provence. All works will be published in this blog in due course.

Getting Ready For His Holiday!

Curly Bob called home this morning to tell me he is going on a holiday . he has been working very hard for his constituents and promoting his Art Emporium at Botany Bay, Chorley showcasing my paintings. Regular readers of this blog will be aware that there could be percieved inconsistencies between Bob's track record so far and the concept of hard work. (You can say that again...Ed).

However he has been very active in promoting my work and he tells me his fur is in need of some sprucing up which usually requires some sunshine and a great amount of partying. I reminded him of the unfortunate incidents in the Yucatan and the fact that the French Authorities are still looking for him. Indeed they have promised him that a room awaits him solely for his own use but the view might not be what he has become used to.

Bob assured me he will be on his best behaviour at all times. Meanwhile I am instructed to post a new work that I completed earlier this year.

So here is "Le Sentier Au Village", an acrylic on canvas from June 2015.

Curly Bob Opens His New Web Site!

Bob has been nagging me to restore his web site which has been awaiting a much needed overhaul. Of course that's O.K. for Bob to say because he didn't have to wade through a sea of help files to get the thing up and running.

We had a video conference this morning and we agreed that the update is a provisional one pending the arrival of Autumn / Winter. I asked him if he would prefer me to paint more artworks while it is still warm enough to work outside or sit indoors playing on the P.C. After some thought( 1/2 secs...Ed) he agreed that would be sufficient for now but he expected a much more sophisticated vehicle for his outstanding talents??? by the end of Autumn.

Meanwhile you are all welcome to have a look at the new web site which contains over 120 works from over the years. I also plan to publish various studies and holiday sketches as and when these become available.

Waiting For The Duck House!

Curly Bob left for the bright lights of London some 2 weeks ago and not much has been heard from him since then. I assumed he was busy with the business of the House of Commons etc so I was not unduly worried.

The first suggestion that all might not be well was when I came across an article in the Rotten Borough Gazette, one of the main newspapers in the borough( The only one actually....Ed). It made reference to dubious expenses claims made by members despite the all too recent scandals concerning the same problem. It was when I saw a reference to claims for several duck houses, lorry loads of ice cream and honey together with a crate or two of "Hobgoblin Ale" that alarm bells began to ring.

My best efforts to contact Bob were to no avail but I did receive an email directing that I post "Spanish Village #2", an oil on canvas from around 2010.

I suspect this will not be the last we hear of this.

Rotten Borough's New BMP Unveiled !

Having been duly elected by the populace of the said borough Curly Bob is now a serving Member of Parliament for the next 5 years or at least that is the plan.Before embarking on a resume of the election's aftermath Bob has asked me to post "Sunrise, Snowdon Horseshoe", an oil on canvas from several years ago following one of our many happy holidays in North Wales.

Journalistic hacks have been hounding Bob ever since the rumours concerning the election count reared their ugly head. At first it was thought to be merely sour grapes by Bob's opponents. That was until one of the more knowledgeable, (more like more sober ...Ed), residents of Rotten Borough pointed out that there were no other opponents.

Furthermore some closer scrutiny of the Borough electoral roll showed there were just 689 residents of voting age whereas the total number of votes cast for Curly Bob  were in excess of 8000!

Even the slowest of our residents could see that there was something amiss. Once the hacks could smelled blood there was no stopping them. A little more digging revealed that in the total figure of 8216 were the following items:-

Google followers    2100

Twitter followers  1250

Facebook Friends    166

Pinterest followers   50

Residents             3566

Clearly Rotten Borough was living up to its's name. Whilst writing this blog I have endeavoured to avoid using expletives and 4 letter words  but Rotten Borough appears to be in a worse state than F***, the infamous football body run until recently by Septic Splatter. No doubt further revelations are pending.

All that said Bob was not allowing anything to spoil his victory celebrations. He can be seen below enjoying a glass of his favourite "Hobgoblin" like a true "Bear of The People".

A Result at Last!

After weeks of uncertainty Rotten Borough has at last produced an election result. Rumours were rife that the count was rigged and ballot boxes had been tampered with. This was not entirely surprising as as the consituency does not have the name of Rotten Borough  for nothing.

Either way Curly Bob's fans & followers will be pleased to know that Bob has been duly returned as B.M.P. for the aforesaid borough. Celebrations at Curly Bob's party office went on late into last night and beyond. No doubt Bob will hold a press conference, in due course,  to thank his tireless campaign staff for all their efforts in helping him achieve his first electoral success.

Bob appeared this morning looking vey much the worse for wear. He took time out in his search for a hangover cure to ask me to post "Paradise #2", an oil on canvas from 2013. He felt something upbeat was in order and in keeping with the warm weather currently being enjoyed here in the U.K.

The paprazzi were out in force and despite the threat of litigation and worse it is expected that photos will emerge from the allmighty knees up held at campaign H.Q. last week. Bob is so pleased with the result he still refuses to take off his rosette. I have pointed out to him thet if it gets dirty and he persists then he will be going into the wash with it. He is giving the matter some serious thought.

The Count Goes ON!

The fact that Rotten Borough is still looking for missing voting papers a week after GE2015 has done nothing to allay fears that the electoral process is broken beyond repair. Curly Bob is still awol and has sent another note for me to post "Tuscan Hills", oil on canvas from 2013.

Outrageous Allegations!!

Rumours have beencirculating in Rotten Borough before, during and after the General election 2015. They concern the way in which the election was conducted.

For example a huge number of discarded ice cream cartons, chocolate bar wrappers and empty honey pots were found behing several voting booths. Either the staff manning the booths had a prodigeous appetite for such items or the ugly head of attempted bribing of the voters.

Needless to say ther eis absolutely no suggestion whatsoever that Curly Bob had any paw in the matter. However the fact that the count has yet to be completed 5 days after GE2015 points to something being seriously amiss in Rotten Borough.

Investigations continue into this farago of shady practices which can bring nothing but shame on the good name of Rotten Borough..(You have got to be joking! ..Ed)

Meanwhile Curly Bob has gone into hiding pending the outcome of the enquiry. Meanwhile I received  a note under my door , in Bob's paw, asking me to post "Evening Light #1", an oil on canvas from pre 2010. An attempt to bring calm to a troubled area.

He's Still At It! #CurlyBobforPM

Curly Bob is still out pressing paws as he works his way around Rotten Borough. I am not sure if he is passionate about his policies or he just wants to show off his new rosette to everyone. He may be gone some while as the procedure followed by Rotten Borough for parliamentary elections are slightly different than in the rest of the U.K.

The results of the poll will not be known officially for a few days at least.  No doubt Bob will be working behind the scenes in the case of a hung parliament to secure the best deal for his constituents..( Doesn't he have to be elected first?..Ed)

Meanwhile, I have taken advantage of Bob's absence to do some posting of my own so here is "Still Life With Pears", oil on canvas board, from my pre Bob days.

Curly Bob Hits The Campaign Trail(At Last!) #CurlyBobforPM

Bob has been burning the midnight oil for weeks now toiling over his general election manifesto. He even borrowed my calculator overthe weekend muttering something about budget deficits. Clearly he has been taking the matter more seriously than I first thought.

Bob is a stand up sort of character despite his single minded nature.To be honest I wasn't sure about him standing in the U.K. General Election as a candidate for Rotten Borough for 2 main reasons.

Firstly, (and selfishly), I thought it would be a conflict of interest. I had put a lot of work into the opening of my new expanded retail unit at Botany Bay, Canal Mill, Chorley, PR6 9AF on 1 May 2015. Clearly the timing was not auspicious given the election being held tomorrow, 7 May 2015. Bob being Bob there was no problem to solve. Curly Bob believes the British public are sick and tired of the long drawn out campaign with it's acrimony and false promises. In any case they cannot possibly remember what was said 6 weeks ago by 7 or more parties. ( Perhaps Bob is a bit sharper than we first thought...Ed).

Secondly, Rotten Borough is a very difficult constituency. It was once a very happy place in which to live. Now after 5 years of austerity cuts it is a pale shadow of its former self. Generations of bears have never worked. They lie around idly waiting for the next benefit payment so they can get a quick fix of honey, ice cream or chocolate. Once the sound of the ice cream van playing some happy tune would bring bears pouring out of the houses for a chocolate wafer or an ice cream cornet packed with ice cream(none of that whipped rubbish!). Now there are only the echoes of the tune around the empty streets as the van driver leaves sadly with his wares untouched. Can a single bear turn this around? I have my doubts but perhaps Bob can do it where others have failed.

When he emerged from his room this morning I expected him to be dragging out a huge weighty document. Instead he had a single piece of A5 in his paw. Its contents were very simple:-

•  The party is to be called "Curly Bob For P.M. "..(This level of humility could achieve sainthood...Ed)
• Free ice cream for all bears
• Ice cream, chocolate and honey benefit payments to be trebled.
• Every bear to be given the chance of a job in the ice cream, honey and chocolate factories to be created to meet the demand from the said benefit increases.
• A limit to be imposed on the expected influx of foreign bears seeking the above ice cream etc.
• All bears in prison to be released on licence provided they perform community service e.g. picking up discarded ice cream/chocolate wrappers for recycling.
•  Any Bear refusing to work will be flogged publicly???( I need to have a word on this one..Ed)
• Rotten Borough to leave the E.U.

That said Curly Bob is new to the murky world of politics. I asked him to state his view on how he could use his vote to extract concessions from any coalition of parties. Bobs strategy is very simple. Ice cream for British bears. (He is not fussy about where the said ice cream is made). He seems to be on good terms with bears in most of the U.K. except Scotland. He has no intention of entering into any pact with bears north of the border if they insist in changing any of the above.

Further questions on the question of how these promises were going to be funded led to reporters being bundled out of the press conference. Watch this space for a follow up on this one.

As to leaving the E.U. I mentioned that Rotten Borough is not in the E.U. so the Bears Rights Act didn't apply. However, public flogging still seems a bit extreme. Bob's reply that this was not the time for "nimby politics". I must confess I had no idea he could be so single minded.

He plans to tour his constituency from end to end over the next 24 hours to get the voters out by all means available. The world waits with baited breath for the outcome. A press conference is scheduled for tomorrow providing we can track Bob down.

Meanwhile Bob has not taken his eye off the artistic ball and has emailed from his battle bus that I should post "Le Sentier", acrylic on canvas, 2015.

Curly Bob's Art Emporium Opens Tomorrow, 1 May 2015 At Botany Bay, Canal Mill, Chorley, PR6 9AF!

Yes it's true. Curly Bob's long anticipated expansion of his Art Emporium(retail) is finally coming to pass tomorrow. Bob was very pleased to be able to offer my works for sale at Botany Bay. However he is always on the lookout for bigger business opportunities hence the migration to a different unit at Botany Bay with a 300% plus increase in display space.

Bob has taken time out from his forthcoming election campaign to attend the opening ceremony tomorrow. We hope to be able to display at least 30 works initially. It is expected that works displayed will be rotated at intervals so there should always be something different to interest return visitors. I plan to explore a range of different subjects over the coming months so the display should be eclectic to say the least.

I am always interested in all feedback from viewers especially anyone who is lucky enough to be able to visit Botany Bay, Canal Mill. I try to answer all enquiries and comments as I really do value all feedback.

Bob pondered the question of today's post. Of late, we have been posting many items from the archives. However as he is now dipping his paw into the waters of the retail world he felt I should showcase one of the several paintings I have sold recently. Therefore here is "Ferme Sur Colline", acrylic on canvas 120cm x 40cm painted in February 2015. The french title relates to our holidays in Provence, France in 2014.

The Election Starts Here on Monday!

Curly Bob was up early as our postman has changed his round and now delivers early morning rather than after lunch . Bob was sat on the stairs eagerly awaiting his rosette when there was a thud while we were having breakfast. That was followed by Bob tearing open the envelopes whereupon he emitted a cry of joy...yes his rosette had arrived  at long last!

Now his political campaign can begin in earnest. However I was forced to point out that there was a minor problem with all this. Bob has been so busy with his campaign and manifesto etc he had completely overlooked that I had been promised a much larger rental unit at Botany Bay, Chorley which is  scheduled to open this Friday. This is a much larger retail outlet which should be able to display 30 plus of my works for sale.

Clearly there was a clash of interests especially as Bob would be expected to attend the grand opening on Friday morning. It would be necessary to launch the internet promotion the same day ready for the Bank Holiday weekend here in the U.K. Bob pondered this for several minutes and then jumped into action.

The opening at Botany Bay could go ahead on Friday and his political juggernaut could be unleashed on the world on Monday.  In any case Bob believes the British public are sick of all the promises and allegations after 5 weeks of campaigning by the other parties which will give him an edge in the election.

The house is now a hive of activity(no pun intended) as Bob fortifies himself with stocks of his favourite honey to sustain him through what promises to be a very long night.

As always he finds the time to select one from my back catalogue.."Sunrise, Snowdon Horseshoe", an oil on canvas from circa 2008.