Home for Christmas?

Following recent developments at Avignon prison, where Curly Bob is currently under lock and key, I can reveal to his loyal fans and followers that there is a faint chance Bob may be back with us for Christmas. We don't want to give false hope to his thousands of supporters but we are cautiously optimistic.

Confidential sources state that Bob may be repatriated( deported ..Ed) under an amnesty granted  to bears such as Bob(are there any others??), by the French authorities. There is more to this story than that but I am prevented from publishing any further details until Bob is safely back with us.



Also he wishes everyone a Merry Christmas and a Honey New Year!

Appeal Denied

As expected, Curly Bob's appeal has been denied. To Bob's apparent amazement it seems the Presiding Magistrate did not agree with the argument's of his legal team that prison life for Bob was overly harsh and a breach of the B.R.A.(Bear Right's Act)

Indeed his attitude to wandering foreign bears was infinitely harder than current E.U. laws would permit him to be. Personally he was in favour of having such bears flogged publicly as a deterrent to others. Sources close to him have described his outlook as being somewhere between hanging/deportation and the dungeons & enaemas brigade(gulp!..Ed)

He pronounced Bob's appeal as "frivolous" and increased his sentence at "The Happy Bees Honey Farm" by 100 hours. When asked if Bob had anything to say Bob merely stated that the judge was "a horrid person" and thanked him for his extended sentence!

Bob's not so cunning plan has been revealed at last. He was smiling as he skipped out of the court after having a note passed to me.

One of Bob's fans, Teun Beumer, has asked for another one of the series of 5 paintings, based on Le Luberon, to be published. 

Always happy to please his fans, Bob's wish is my command hence "Farm in The Luberon #3", an oil on canvas from 2012. 

Appeal to The High Court

Curly Bob's legal team have today lodged an appeal to the High Court in Paris. They had warned Bob that if his appeal were regarded as "frivolous", it could result in an increase in his sentence. Bob appeared completely untroubled by this and has instructed them to proceed regardless of the possible consequences.

It appears Bob plans to cite the punitive nature of the regime in his community service hostel,( it sounds better than prison) as follows:-

8.00  Reveille, breakfast of porridge, honey and pain au chocolat.

9.00  Lecture on practical bee keeping for bears.

10.00  Hive maintainance and honey collection at "The Happy Bees Honey Farm".

12.00  Lunch - chocolate waffles, honey & ice cream.

14.00  Recreational/ rest period.

15.30  Fur grooming (I didn't ask).

16.00  Supervised duties including stock taking in warehouse at Happy bees Honey farm.

18.00  Kitchen duties and serving of desserts.

19.00  T.V. / Computer usage.

21.00  Cookies/brownies & glass of milk.

22.00  Bedtime story (?????)

22.30  Lights out.

I could only shake my head in disbelief and wonder if Bob was entirely devoid of any concept of irony(including everything else). Alternatively he could be smarter than the average bear and had something up his sleeve apart from his electronic tag.

I feel that Bob's total focus on all things pertaining to chocolate, honey, ice cream etc has blinded him to the fact that he migt not be home for Christmas.

Pending the penny or centime dropping I have been asked to post "Farmhouse in The Luberon #2 ", one of a series of 5 oils I did in 2012/13. 

Bob Bears Up Behind Bars!

A few days after Bob's conviction I was allowed to visit to see how he was doing. The warder(who in all fairness does not know Bob very well) had allowed him to wear his best lifeboat jumper as acknowledgement of his good behaviour during his community service. Also he is allowed to work without his tag during daylight hours. There was even talk of promoting him to assistant to the manager of the warehouse.(No, these people will never learn - Ed.)

I found Bob on La Ferme Des Abeilles Heureuses which in English means "Happy Bees Honey Farm".

Bob was hard at work in the Provencale sunshine looking after his hives. I admit to a fair degree of surprise because I had never before seen Bob exert himself at anything that didn't come out of a glass, freezer or honey cupboard at home.

Apparently his honey and alcohol management courses were going well. He was down to one teaspoon of honey per day and had refrained from helping himself from the hives.

He seemed to have lost weight and his fur was in much better condition.  

Bob has been using his time well, in his free periods, to improve his management skills. He has even pawed up for a cake making course.
(Forward Note - if I ever take to a life of crime I will definitely rob a bank in France- Ed). I still haven't worked out what Bob is up to but I hope to have discovered his dark secret before the next missive.

Free Curly Bob!

The French authorities have received an avalanche of(well several actually) demands to release Curly Bob. By some underhand means Bob obtained copies of these and forwarded them on to me yesterday.

Bob's regular readers will be aware that this intrepid bear is never slow to spot any opportunity that presents itself.

During a Skpe exchange Bob felt a protest group should be formed to seek his release by putting pressure on the French government.
With his usual boundless modesty and sense of proportion Bob has suggested it be called "Freedom For Oppressed bears" or F.F.O.B

His proposed setup would be as follows:-

C.E.O. - Curly Bob

Head of Finance - Curly Bob

Head of Recruitment  - Curly Bob

Head of Human Resources - Curly Bob

Secretary & General Gopher - Myself

Bob's loyal fans will also remember the dreadful scandal concerning rumours of irregularities regarding  honey and chocolate collected on his behalf. It was intended this
mountain of donated honey etc would be used to pay the ransom demanded by (Las Patas Negras"(The Black Paws) following their dastardly kidnap of Bob in the Yucatan jungle.

I warned Bob of the risk of further damage to his reputation so he very reluctantly agreed that F.F.O.B will not see the light of day, for now at least.

Whilst relieved another PR disaster had been avoid I had a lingering suspicion that Bob was up to something. That twinkle in his eye usually spelled trouble for him and a lot of work for me.

It was 9.00 a.m. and Bob was due at his lecture on "Practical Bee Keeping For Bears Pt 7". The severity of the penal system in France never ceases to amaze me!

Before signing off(More like sciving off ...Ed) Bob directed that I post "Farmhouse, Provence", (long) after Van Gogh, an oil on canvas from the vault2.

Bob Up Before The Beak!

Curly Bob stood before the beak in Avignon yesterday. He was advised to plead guilty to reduce his sentence. His lawyer had thought about citing Bob’s previous conduct but then thought better of it.

Everyone accepted Bob’s good character and how he has worked tirelessly, (at least some of the time), in promoting my career and sales of paintings to raise money for charities.

When asked if he had anything to say Bob threw himself on the mercy of the court. In his defence he had not realised how honey, chocolate, ice cream and alcohol were so much more expensive in France than the U.K. It was because of this Bob had not realised the enormity of the debts he was running up.

Unsurprisingly the Magistrate was not too impressed by this. Perhaps if Bob had not sampled the delights of the wines & beers of Provence so much he might have noticed waiters staggering around resembling Quasimodo with massive trays of drinks etc. Several were thinking of suing Bob in connection with physiotherapy bills.

Having considered all the options he declared Bob guilty on all counts and a menace to the tourist trade. He went on to admit it was the saddest case of a bear being led astray by others of lower moral character (Clearly the Magistrate was delusional..Ed).

He was sentenced to 200 hours of unpaid community service at “La Ferme des Abeilles Heureuses” , “The Happy Bees Honey Farm” to help with the hives. (Will these people never learn?)

In addition Bob was ordered to attend a honey management course and an alcohol management course. Finally he would have to remain in France for the duration of his sentence. Any relapse in his behaviour would result in transportation to Devil’s Islands where it is well known that the spiders and other creepy crawlies are twice the size of those in the Yucatan. This definitely seemed to get Bob’s attention.

Bob would be allowed to keep his bear friendly IPad but had to wear an electronic tag on his lower left paw. I would be allowed to visit him on a regular basis. The magistrate concluded by expressing his hope that the sentence would be a deterrent to future freeloaders and “honey tourists”

Before being taken down Bob waved and asked me to post “Evening Light #2" an oil on canvas from many years ago. A touch of peace in troubled times.

Shameful News

I am deeply saddened and not a little ashamed to inform readers that Curly Bob is currently languishing in a prison cell on the outskirts of Avignon. All last week the Gendarmerie were hot on the trail of Bob and the net finally closed around him yesterday. To be fair a blind man could have found Bob by following the trail of empty honey jars, chocolate wrappers, empty wine and beer bottles not to mention a string of unpaid bar bills.

I took the first train to France to see what could be done and to ensure fair play in the legal system. After a long journey I arrived at the prison only to find I was too late for visiting time. Somewhat dejected I asked, in my best french, if Bob was O.K. The guard 's stony expression melted into a wide grin  saying " Ah oui, Monsieur Curly Bob!, tout ca va bien!".

I was then admitted and led through various corridors to the maximum security wing housing all the most dangerous murderers,( is there ever a safe murderer?), robbers and much worse. You can imagine my trepidation as I approached Bob's cell. I need not have worried.

I had to queue behind a line of guards and prisoners, in manacles, who were waiting patiently to be photographed with Bob and / or have his autograph. His cell was not what I expected. There was a large flat screen TV on the wall and a fridge by his bedside which was well stocked with his favourite honey  and chocolate.

Bob was playing poker with the Governor and 2 of the prison's most notorious hard cases. All 3 looked like they were nursing monumental hangovers. Curly Bob was his sprightly self and hardly visible behind a wall of poker chips.

During a comfort break (i.e. more drinks, snacks and photos) I took the Governor on one side. Both he and the 2 inmates were losing heavily. The Governor was in a difficult position as he was not supposed to be playing games with the inmates(- it is a prison after all.)

A more pressing matter was the 2 inmates who were known to have more "final" methods of clearing their debts(gulp!). Clearly Bob was unaware of the danger he was in and it was beyond his conception(nearly everything is-Ed) that he might disappear down the toilet bowl or worse.

There was also the matter of the prison's kitchen running out of honey, chocolate and ice cream. This would not endear him to his fellow prisoners who also resented what they regarded as his preferential treatment.

The Governor was on good terms with the local magistrate and we agreed it would be better for all concerned if Bob's trial date was moved forward in return for the Governor's debts being paid.

A couple of phone calls later and it was agreed Bob's trial could be held within a couple of days and meanwhile he would be held in solitary for his own safety. Before I left,  Bob asked me to keep posting my work pending his eventual release. Therefore here are 

"Egyptian Desert" 

and

"Elephants at Sunset"