Arrested at the Airport !!

A phone call from Curly Bob trashed any hope I had of a quiet night’s painting. Apparently he had arrived back in the U.K. but was stopped at the airport by H.M. Customs who asked to look inside his numerous bags.  Bob has been enjoying his celebrity status a bit too much of late because he demanded to know if the Customs official knew who he was dealing with. The official (obviously an ill informed moron) did not.

Bob then proceeded to throw a bear sized wobbler and berate all the staff leading to his prompt arrest. He was thrown into pokey to cool off. He was grilled for several hours as to why his luggage contained 50kg of Yucatan honey which they believed was being smuggled into the country. Bob’s story that the honey was for his personal use(quite true as he never shares anything with anyone apart from colds etc.) was not believed.

He related his adventures and showed them his mangled ear. However,  as previously mentioned, the surgery had been so good that the wound was invisible. Then to Bob’s horror he was dragged to the X-Ray machine and put through it to see if he was smuggling any diamonds or precious stones. (He is now convinced all his fur will fall out and he will glow in the dark!)

The final indignity was a full strip body search. (For the sake of our younger and readers of a more delicate disposition, we shall not go into any further details). I eventually managed to secure his release in the early hours of the morning. I gave my word to guarantee  his future good  conduct and thankfully all charges have been dropped. Sadly H.M. Customs decided to confiscate his luggage pending payment of outstanding import duty.

Bob was adamant the duty must be paid and ordered me into the studio, bleary eyed,  to produce something to sell so he can reclaim his honey.   His GPB (Doctor for bears) has ordered a week of complete rest which should give me some quiet time to do some painting.

Despite the affront to his dignity Bob Bob has not lost sight of his mission in life.  As I passed his bedroom door there was a notice pinned to it directing me to publish  these 2 oils on canvas titled;-

“Castlerigg Stone Circle”

and;”Cliifs at Etretat , (after Monet) “                              

A business meeting is planned  for the start of next week, after Bob has made a full recovery.

Regards

Vanbear 7

pp Curly Bob

Outrageous Allegations

News has reached Curly Bob’s Press Office (i.e.me), with allegations Curly Bob was not bearnapped at all. These cowardly vermin claim Bob’s hostage situation in the Yucatan was staged to enhance Bob’s standing on the world stage.
Furthermore they claim that the ransom of 100kgs of honey, chocolate and ice cream was actually split between Curly Bob and Las Patas Negras (The Black Paws).
Now I’m not saying Bob is camera shy or shuns publicity. To be fair you can’t keep him away from a camera and/or microphone. However that is a far cry from staging a dangerous publicity stunt to exploit the sympathy and goodwill of bear lovers everywhere.
Curly Bob is a bear of good character who has dedicated his life to promoting my artistic career. He receives no salary or commission apart from the gift of the odd pot(s) of honey or bar(s) of chocolate from gallery owners.
This is quite a common practice in the art world to secure the exhibition of a newly discovered artist. However absolutely no money ever crosses his paws.
Bob considers the allegations to be motivated by the envy of other bears. This is not helped by his fame and more to the point his consumption of copious quantities of honey etc.
He has resolved to clear his name as soon as he is back in the U.K.
Meanwhile it is business as usual with the publishing of
“Barn, Andalucia”  and;

“Beach Scene, Portugal”
both of which are oils on canvas.
Vanbear7
pp Curly Bob

Back at Work!

Curly Bob has been discharged from hospital and has resumed his business course in Acapulco.

Thanks to the miracle of modern science Bob’s ear has now been restored and it is impossible to see the stitching. Bob gave a press conference as he was leaving hospital. Amazingly he bears(no pun intended) no bad feelings toward his captors. However he thought  their keeping his customised designer sunglasses was a bit of a liberty. A leading manufacturer of designer sunglasses kindly donated a customised pair to protect Bob’s eyes from bright sunshine and flash photography. They wish to remain anonymous which is typical of the generosity directed towards  this amazing bear.

                                                                                                

As you will see from the press photo he looks remarkably well apart from his weight increasing by a few grams.

His fur was bright and clean. Apparently he was offered  a trip to the dry cleaners plus steam cleaning or a bed bath. Personally I believe the said bed bath offered by two young and very attractive nurses decided the issue without much deliberation on Bob’s part.

He has become something of a celebrity throughout Mexico and beyond. I expect Bob will use his newly found fame to promote my activities and his management enterprise even further. To that end he has told me to publish the following works from the archive. (His Ipad is now working again so expect more posts in the future.)

The first is an abstract called “Bush Fire” which is an oil on canvas

followed by

“Cabanon Dans Les Alpilles”, an oil on canvas painted from one of Bob’s photos on his 2012 visit to Provence. It is an area Bob loves not  least for the abundant supplies of honey, ice cream, candied fruit , copious quantities of cheap wine and beer which he claims all help  the creative process for an aspiring artist.

Hopefully Bob will be back in Old Blighty by the end of next week. A business strategy meeting is planned on his return.

Vanbear7

pp Curly Bob

Free at Last

Great news from the Yucatan. Bear lovers all over the world will breathe a deep sigh of relief to know Curly Bob has been found alive.

Reports are sketchy but it seems the imminent rescue mission  by the S.B.S. (Special Bear Service) was cancelled at the last minute after the ransom was paid. Bob was found by locals, wandering down a jungle path looking very dazed and confused. He only had his bag containing his Ipad and his missing right ear.

Bob’s knowledge of Spanish has not improved much during his captivity i.e. it is still non existent.

Stories are emerging from the jungle via the locals who have sporadic contact with “Las Patas Negras”. Apparently sounds  have been heard along with flashing lights seen in the jungle all night long. Some say it was  evidence of ghostly hauntings whereas others believe it was more like signs of rave like partying.

People familiar with the desperados say they are like any other bears who all love a good party.

Teams searching for Bob reported finding heaps of discarded honey jars, chocolate wrappers and empty beer bottles scattered around the jungle. Many say that Bob was released for health reasons as  they were desperate for a good night’s sleep. Whilst these tales are unconfirmed it is known that pharmacies within a 50 kilometre radius of the suspected hideout have all run out of hangover remedies.

Bob is currently in recovery in a hospital near Acapulco having had surgery to reattach his right ear. He is in good spirits  and looking forward to resuming his business course.

I have again taken the liberty of selecting 2 of my works to publish and I trust Bob will approve once his Ipad is charged up again.

Once again, on his behalf. I want to thank all his fans for their generosity, support and ransom donations, especially the honey and chocolate .

If you wish to email Bob direct on his IPad you can at vanbear7@gmail.com

The paintings I have selected are “Bushfire”

and “Cabanon Dans Les Alpilles”

both of which are oils on canvas.

Regards

Vanbear7 pp Curly Bob

 

Deadline Close

The latest message received from the Yucatan was in Spanish which is not entirely surprising as the desperado bears live in Mexico. It reads “Esta es nuestra última advertencia. Si el rescate no está en nuestras patas de la medianoche (hora local), entonces Curly Bob recibe el tratamiento doble Van Gogh y luego darle de comer a las arañas (grandes)”

For those of our readers who are not fluent in Spanish, including myself, a rough translation c/o Google Translator would be "This is our last warning. If the ransom is not in our paws by midnight (local time ) then Curly Bob gets the double Van Gogh treatment and then we feed him to the spiders(big ones)”

They have even sent a picture of themselves, suitably disguised.The one on the left has the sinister name of “La "Pata Negro”, “The Black Paw” . He is the leader of the gang which is named after him. The one in the middle is called “El Chocco” because of his obsessive addiction to anything made of chocolate.

Local police say either of them would sell their mothers for a jar of honey or a bar of chocolate. Thankfully we expect to have the ransom airlifted to them before the deadline.

In what Bob said might be his last message, (gulp),  he wants the 2 following works to be published. If it comes to the worst he would like me to carry on painting albeit without his expert guidance. That’s Curly Bob, humble to the last. Needless to say any further news will be posted to Bob’s Blog, Twitter and Facebook pages.

Anyway, with a lump in my throat I have posted

“Boats in the Estuary” an oil on canvas and ;

”Brancaster Staithes, Norfolk” –  Gouache on Board.

Vanbear7

pp Curly Bob

Outrage!!!

Terrible news has reached us from the desperados holding Curly Bob hostage. Avid readers of this blog will recall the threat made by the head of the gang called  “Las Patas Negras” (The Black Paws), saying failure to comply with their ransom demands would result in  sending me one of Bob’s ears. The photo below, received by email, shows they  meant what they said.

Failure to pay up pronto, (a bandit expression), will result in the other ear  being sent via the post while Bob stays in the jungle.

We have been overwhelmed  by donations of honey and chocolate sent in by Bob’s fans and bear lovers all over the world. Meanwhile specially trained hostage negotiators are flying to the Yucatan as we speak.

Despite his horrific injury Bob  has sent me instructions, via his captors, to publish another 2 paintings for his ever growing audience to remember him by. he can’t use his bear friendly IPad to communicate any more as the battery has gone flat.

On Bob’s behalf I wish to express our gratitude for all the donations to the ransom fund and messages of support.

We can only hope Las Patas Negras have some measure of decency and will return what appears to remain of Curly Bob to us very soon .

The paintings requested by Bob are  “Boats at Low Tide” and

“Boats at Rest, Norfolk” both of which are oils on canvas. Any more news will be posted as soon as it is received.

Vanbear7

pp Curly Bob

He’s Alive!

Great news at last,  Bob is alive and well. Via email,  Bob tells me he and his pals are all in good health.

Las Patas Negras (The Black Paws)  who prey on helpless bears have allowed Bob to use his specially adapted IPad to communicate their ransom demands. These are  100kgs of honey, marshmallows and chocolate. They have asked for “Fairtrade“  brands only ( it seems even these villains have some ethics).

If their demands are not met within a week the dastardly swine have said they will send one of Bob’s ears as proof of their intentions.  I explained to Bob that the British Government’s official position is that it does not negotiate with terrorists. Bob explained, in somewhat forceful terms, how this is a short sighted approach especially as he doesn’t want his fur marked or kapok spilled.

It is ironic that Bob’s blog became so popular in a short space of time.  The bandits now realise he is a bear of standing with over 300 fans worldwide and have increased their ransom demands accordingly.

Having devoted his life to charity fundraising Bob has no money of his own (he lives with me rent free). Therefore  a world wide appeal is being launched for donations of honey, chocolate and marshmallows. Bob’s safety may well depend upon the generosity of bear and art  lovers world wide.

However Bob remains positive and has asked me to post 2 more paintings from the archives.

These are “Blossom”

and

“Blur” both of which are oils on canvas.

More news of Bob will be posted the moment it becomes available. Meanwhile Bob has asked me to thank all his fans for their messages of support.

Vanbear7

p.p. Curly Bob